Looks

Listening and looking don't do me justice.  Feeling. 

330 time of my life

He told me to look around at what I had created.  Not the mess I'd made or the good that I had given, just to see what was around me.  Would it be there if my minds eye wasn't creating it?  Then why was I having so much trouble living amongst my own creation? 

Writing those things

To go there.  To touch them.  To feel you all over and in me.  You told me to go away, get out.  Decades of protection kept that from ever happening and in my most vulnerable hour I get shut out.  Why do I want to let anyone in?  Only for my own health and sanity can be the only good enough and reason of all reasons.

Caring

THen this day showed itself to me.  I unlocked my door and the toys from my childhood spilled and tangled each other all plastic and rusted axles and tattered fur and a glittering water filled globe.  I was torn.  A see an irreversible growth that is sad to look back upon because those days will never be again.  The paradox of it all is that I just want to go back to the warmth of the womb all cozy with my eyes closed in that perfect bliss of knowing nothing.  I knew no fear.

This Day

So this day starts and it's different than every other one.  Because time can be so engulfing and misunderstood.  It's all around me, this place in time and everything.  Everything's eternalness and existstance is just fine by itself and I am an "itself".

So I'll ramble.  And find.  And be.  Slowly.  This is my forever.